Friday, October 18, 2013

Marking a loss

It's been a month now since the miscarriage and I find myself on the one hand trying to move forward and on the other trying not to just carry on as if nothing happened.

It occurred to me a couple of weeks ago that I need some way to mark the loss.  Another mum who lost a baby at the same stage about the same time, but in a different way (there was no heart beat), had a funeral. That wasn't possible in our case so I settled on the idea of a ring.

The baby was due in April so I thought I'd get a ring with the birthstone for April, which turned out to be diamond. Today I found the ring (I pick it up next Wednesday). I love the flower shape as it seems to symbolise life and the beading around the diamonds looks to me like a cluster of tears around the stone in the middle.

It feels a bit like giving in to consumerism (solving your problems by buying something), but looking on the internet it also seems to be the gut instinct of many other women in my situation.


  1. Each individual has his/her own way of dealing with grief. It sounds like that you are finding one possible way through by purchasing a ring. Sometimes moving "forward "doesn't necessarily mean that you are quite ready to move "on". Your writing indicates that you are perhaps still moving towards that point. A grief group could be of assistance at some stage, such as this one I found on the internet:
    Perhaps also buying a cross with some candles, which you can locate in a particular place as a special shrine in the house may be of help. I still keep the crosses relating to my parents on a dressing table.

    1. I like the idea of a cross. I think you're right in that I've passed the initial stage of shock and numbness but I'm not ready to move on.

      It's nice to see you're no longer coming up as anonymous. Tonia

    2. Thanks. I didn't know how to until a few days ago when Elaine, who sometimes comments on Paul's blog, and is a teacher by profession, told me to select Name/URL profile under "Reply as" instead of Anonymous.

  2. Hopefully as time passes the ring will give you comfort and peace:) nothing wrong with a bit of consumerism every now and then. Thinking of you.

  3. It's a gorgeous ring and looks like it will go beautifully with the jewellery you already wear. I like the idea of a lasting reminder. Lisa x